Sacrifice and self-denial are an intrinsic part of your life, because that’s what the good ones do. They suffer, they pray, they accept what’s unacceptable simply to maintain the peace. Or to obtain the peace. No, not for themselves, just for all the others.
Because they all matter more than you. Their success, their milestones, need to be celebrated with sincere joy and enthusiasm. Even if you are broken inside.
They matter, you’re expandable.
You must paint that smile on your lips, be it coral or peach, even fiery red. Put it on, that lipstick of cheerfulness, sad clowns not welcome here.
You suck it up, bite your lip, exude support and step aside. Your emotions are always wrong.
You’re expandable, move over. Collect your bag of dreams and hopes, hide them in the back of the closet.
You don’t deserve. Anything. Only the others matter. Live to serve and to love unconditionally, conceal the tears, wouldn’t want anyone to feel even a tinge of guilt. That’s your burden to bear forever, for all the sins of the universe, carry that mountain of blame, because it’s your responsibility somehow. Tua culpa, tua maxima culpa.
You suffer, they judge you. You made your bed, tough, they sentence. Innocence, insecurity, absolute trust in those you didn’t know, all swept away, trampled on. Stay in your bed, pull the covers over your dreams, then crush them, hard, with your hands.
You are expandable, you’re hidden in the air.
The sky is intensely azure. But it’s not your sky. It belongs to the others. Your sky never smiles with sunlight, it’s always closed, severe, impenetrable.
You are irrelevant.
Silence the turmoil in your heart. Just smile.
Because you are expandable.